Sexually Me

Pronunciation Where to start? Ah, that's right. A few months ago, things were dire. And as I was to learn, it was mostly a scare tactic. But let me be clear, and not come across as a total buffoon... it was a necessary scare tactic. I lied to K. And while one instance of that isn't horrendous, it's the pattern that has been woven over the last 10 years of our relationship. If something were to be discovered that I had been hiding, usually something tied to my sexuality or the things that I perceived as being "unusual", my instinct was to lie. Backtrack. Cover up. Find a convincing cover story. Move on. Rinse, repeat. Until of course my intuitive wife would pry the truth out of me, making me feel that I wouldn't be judged. And I wasn't. To say that she's an amazing person falls far short of the truth. Anyhow, this last transgression was her proverbial last straw of just coping with the pattern of my lies. So she called my bluff. And she went al...

Okay, you can call this a lame post. I'll own that. But I watched this again today. And no matter how many times I see this video, it still just seems so poignant & really... so cool. It brings to mind all of these philosophical ideas, and something that you could sit around for hours talking about. I love any kind of media that pushes the envelope like this, and creates more questions than answers. And for those that want more, please stay tuned.

My Dear Readers: Please be aware that this post has a dark tone. After so much time away from here, I'm sure that you were all hoping for something fun, light-hearted & even witty. I had hoped the same thing. That being said, I'm warning you now that you might desire to skip over this post, and wait for lighter times. I wish it were a day of productivity & enjoyment in the little things. Instead, it's a day of despair & the feeling of hopelessness. Why? Because Monday night, K & I agreed to terms for a trial separation. Strangely, it was not due to my bisexuality. It was due to my fear of honesty. To the truth. And therefore, lies fueled this action. Yes, they were my lies. I clung to them even in the face of incontrovertible proof, like the security blanket I had as a child. Maybe that's part of the impetus, in that I don't have a blanket of such making in adulthood. Regardless, the fact remains that the current circumstances are my doing...