Lies

My Dear Readers: Please be aware that this post has a dark tone. After so much time away from here, I'm sure that you were all hoping for something fun, light-hearted & even witty. I had hoped the same thing. That being said, I'm warning you now that you might desire to skip over this post, and wait for lighter times.
I wish it were a day of productivity & enjoyment in the little things. Instead, it's a day of despair & the feeling of hopelessness. Why? Because Monday night, K & I agreed to terms for a trial separation. Strangely, it was not due to my bisexuality.

It was due to my fear of honesty.
To the truth.
And therefore, lies fueled this action.

Yes, they were my lies. I clung to them even in the face of incontrovertible proof, like the security blanket I had as a child. Maybe that's part of the impetus, in that I don't have a blanket of such making in adulthood. Regardless, the fact remains that the current circumstances are my doing. And sometimes, I feel like I don't remember how to breathe. I feel like I'm floating through existence, unsure of where to turn or what to do next.

I can only hope that I find my way through this, and that the hurt will slowly recede so that I can try to do something constructive.

I have no idea what that is just yet.
Maybe faith will guide me.
I hope.

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