Sexually Me

For those of my more astute readers, you probably noticed a large gap in my recent blogging during the months of November & December. The truth is, I was dealing with fallout. Fallout from having sex. Sex with a man. While my wife was out of town. And no, she didn't know beforehand. A part of me hurts so deeply to put those words in print. To admit my selfishness, and brashness. To put all that K & I have together at risk. To know that I might have damaged what I already cherish, to a point that may never be recovered. But I hold out hope that it will recover. We're working towards understanding. Dealing with the possibilities of compromise. Striving for forgiveness. And holding honesty aloft like a radio. Thank you, Lloyd . And for those of you who may ask it. No, I'm not gay. But I can honestly say that I'm truly bisexual. Both sexes hold appeal for me, and in different ways, for different reasons. There you have it. And now, I do believe that part of m

I wanted to give my site an update. Something to reflect my individuality. Something more "me". Plus, it gave my uber-geeky side a reason to play around in template modification. But mostly, I wanted something that was unique in the blogosphere (does anyone else shudder at that word?), and that made me feel warm & cozy. I hope you like it, and if not, I won't lose too much sleep over it. Enjoy, and more serious & intense posts to follow in the coming days.

It days like this, when I'm feeling great & think that I'm getting a lot accomplished, when something like this , will grab ahold and shake the ever loving be-jebus out of me. I too, have shared in some of the feelings of finality. Thinking about my life drip away, as I watch the stain grow on the carpet. Or sliding into the peaceful slumber of the last deep sleep. And when those thoughts arrive, I pull myself back from the brink, shake myself awake, and hurt more for the loss that I would inflict on those I love, more than alleviate the hurt that I feel. Reading about the trials & tribulations of others, bubbles up the pain that I know is lurking just beneath the surface. That emotion that's tightly held in check. For if the beast is let out of the cage, I fear that it will enjoy it's freedom too much. Needless to say, work isn't the best place for this kind of "awakening". So I sit here, and hold it back. And I know it's going to be wo

Your Stripper Song Your Stipper Song Is Master and Servant by Depeche Mode "There's a new game We like to play you see A game with added reality You treat me like a dog Get me down on my knees" Yawn, dancing is so boring without a little spice.

It's been recently pointed out by Mark that I haven't or don't share very much of myself on here. And I can't deny it. Having lived a life of hiding, a seemingly long life sometimes, it's become second nature. Even when my intent is to share myself, and expose some of the inner-me that needs exploring, I haven't. Or won't. So here it is. I'm going to make a concerted effort to stop hiding. To stop the "filter" if you will, of my thoughts. Well, okay, I'll never totally stop the filter because I like to think about what I will say or post first, but I'll try to limit the internal censorship that occurs. And by telling this to you all, it will lift my level of accountability, honesty, to that in which I feel obligated , no willing to share more of who I am. That was the point of all of this anyway, right?

Arms in Bed Originally uploaded by lightnyn . Once again, here I am. I'll leave it up to your active imaginations on whether or not I'm fully nekkid. :D [And I also apologize for the quality of the shot. It was done in low-lighting conditions, and it was the best I could do on short notice to ligthen it.]

So, you may ask, where the fuck have I been? Well, I've been here, but at a point in time that is so absolutely chaotic & crazy that I barely have time to enjoy the little sleep I'm able to get. Let alone feel like I'm getting enough done to feel "productive". In the last 2 evenings, I've averaged, averaged , 4 1/4 hours of sleep. Healthy? No. Desired? Fuck NO! occurred? *sigh* Yes. Some of you may know, or some of you don't. I have a regular job, like the majority of us, that pays the bills and keeps things running in the life of my family. But I'm also a consultant. A computer consultant, with a bit of programming thrown in. But sadly, the part that I love to get my hands in, programming, becomes a bit lost in the minutiae of other tasks in consulting. Regardless, I've had 3 projects in such a state of priority, that sleep has become a rare commodity, and in the last few weeks, if I'm not working, I tend to feel guilty. So even

Legs Originally uploaded by lightnyn . Is it getting hot in here, or is it just me? And if last week's post was any indication of my own deliciousness, this should whet all of your appetites even more. Seriously, I'm still a bit baffled by how much praise I received for last week. I honestly didn't think the photo was all that hot. But then again, I tend to think that about most of my own photos. I'll just have to rely on my wife's affirmation that they are. Psst, thank you, Love!

It's not often that you can come across words that evoke intense emotions, much less ones that can reach the heart. Whether you are actually in tune with the sentiment, or it just has such a fluidity or artful prose As I read & continue to find incredibly heartfelt content on the web, particularly in our related blogosphere, I find my own feelings laid bare. Exposed to the elements & raw with emotion. cp - Coming Out at 48 ...sometimes a man has too much in his heart to keep in any longer. And sometimes a man needs to see the effect of what is in his heart on others, as a way to maintain his own sanity and balance, not to mention the sustenance that comes from another's knowledge, care and empathy. I like to think that this is one of the reasons that I started this blog. Sure, I'll admit that there is a perverse form of pleasure derived in knowing that people are reading my content, and having the illusion that some of them are taking away something of value. At

No, it's not terribly thrilling, as I had only five HNT posts of last year. Now, if you take into account the fact that I only started posting on October 28th, and I didn't learn of HNT until November... then maybe I can be absolved of shame. Only time will tell. Entry One - Right Arm Entry Two - Left Hand & Cell Phone Entry Three - Vertical Leg Entry Four - B&W Boxer Briefs Entry Five - Right Arm & Shoulder

Thorso Originally uploaded by lightnyn . Thigh & torso. Makes sense right? Anyhow, it's a New Year, and therefore a new series of HNT posts. And to wrap up the few from last year, I'll be sure to include an archive message to make finding them easier, although it's not like I had so many that they're hard to find. Enjoy, and please let me know what you think.

So I'm sure that some of you have wondered, "How serious is this guy about being bisexual?" To be honest, looking objectively at the content, it certainly doesn't smack of anything remotely bisexual, other than references to articles, and my own alleged longings for both sides of the coin. Today, I shall put these questions to rest. Why? Because I want to. And because I have such an amazing time that the only way to complete the feelings of yearning & fulfillment is to share. In light of Raven's article , I thought I would post something similar, but definitely something with more content. Just as I was getting ready for the "juicy part", he wrapped up & posted. What can I say? I'm a slut for details. So here are my details. Enjoy. For years now, we've had a fun toy. I bought it for K, after she goaded me to, because I wanted her to use it on me. At the time, it was my primary fantasy. One that led me to where I currently am.