Clues

For those of my more astute readers, you probably noticed a large gap in my recent blogging during the months of November & December. The truth is, I was dealing with fallout.

Fallout from having sex.

Sex with a man.

While my wife was out of town.

And no, she didn't know beforehand.

A part of me hurts so deeply to put those words in print. To admit my selfishness, and brashness. To put all that K & I have together at risk. To know that I might have damaged what I already cherish, to a point that may never be recovered.

But I hold out hope that it will recover.

We're working towards understanding.

Dealing with the possibilities of compromise.

Striving for forgiveness.

And holding honesty aloft like a radio. Thank you, Lloyd.

And for those of you who may ask it.

No, I'm not gay.

But I can honestly say that I'm truly bisexual. Both sexes hold appeal for me, and in different ways, for different reasons.

There you have it.

And now, I do believe that part of my mind can move on, and continue to explore this new honesty.

Comments

Nate said…
I have been struggling with where to go after my post concerning my new found honesty this weekend and if I wasn't concerned with copyright issues, I might just plagerize yours, though I would use Fallout as the title. Thanks for helping my focus.
January 31, 2006 9:58 AM
Flip said…
Hi Ben, I'm glad to have found your blog. I continue to struggle with a lot of contradiction in my life too. I'll be back.

Hang in there.

Flip
February 01, 2006 7:23 AM
Unknown said…
Navigating the emotional ramifications of being bisexual and in a relationship is always going to be a little difficult. My wife and I have been open for years and to this day it can still sometimes find nuances that we hadn't thought of previously, wonder at whether feelings are changing, a slip in ground rules, etc.

Stay honest and you guys should be able to keep things working.
February 02, 2006 12:30 AM
Anonymous said…
I can relate to what you are saying. Curiosity can be so strong sometimes, I wish the ideal open relationship were more common and acceptable.
March 10, 2006 10:33 AM
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