Lost in the Wilderness

I have tons of respect for incredible men like Nate or even Mark, who from my perspective, seem to write about their daily travails with ease. Well, ease is the wrong word, but I only wish I could let the words flow that freely.

You already know that I hide.
You already know that I sequester myself within my mind.
You already know that I have miles of swampy wilderness to navigate.

Whenever I start to write a post, I feel that it's very much like removing a vital part of myself. I cut it out, often with a less than sharp instrument, and then toss it unceremoniously upon the examination table. I then dissect it into many tiny pieces, inspecting each, trying to understand how they comprise the whole. And the entire time, I have you looking over my shoulder. And yes, this was of my own choosing, hoping that somehow the process has taught someone, anyone, something. Maybe help them navigate these waters more easily. I can only hope that a Magellan of the mind is charting these waters, otherwise I might feel that the journey is hopeless.

After all of this, I try to reassemble and reintegrate that vital piece of myself, hopefully with a new found understanding. But much like putting together a new desk, or working on a car, I'm left with "extra parts". With luck, those parts are extraneous anyway. Yet the process remains as painful, and laborious as the times before.

So, I'm lost.
I'm hiding.
And often thoroughly confused.

And while I'm making significant forward progress, I'm often times left to wonder if I'm traveling in circles. Or if I'm really getting closer to my destination, albeit in a circuitous fashion.

Then again... haven't I seen that tree before?


So thank you my friends for hanging in there, and giving me the time that I needed to get myself together again.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

HNT - Entry One (2006)

Image
Thorso Originally uploaded by lightnyn . Thigh & torso. Makes sense right? Anyhow, it's a New Year, and therefore a new series of HNT posts. And to wrap up the few from last year, I'll be sure to include an archive message to make finding them easier, although it's not like I had so many that they're hard to find. Enjoy, and please let me know what you think.
Read more

HNT - Entry Two

Image
Left Hand & Cell Phone Originally uploaded by lightnyn . Not terribly exciting, but one of the things that my wife simply loves about me. As you can sort of tell, my hands are rough & dry. K says she likes the texture as they rub across her skin, and the way that they seem like hard-working hands. I think she just has a "cowboy" fetish that she hasn't told me about yet. In some ways, I admit to being a bit of a cowboy since I have a natural slightly "bow legged" look, and I'm saving to get some boots. So, in that vein... howdy!
Read more

HNT - Entry Two

Image
Legs Originally uploaded by lightnyn . Is it getting hot in here, or is it just me? And if last week's post was any indication of my own deliciousness, this should whet all of your appetites even more. Seriously, I'm still a bit baffled by how much praise I received for last week. I honestly didn't think the photo was all that hot. But then again, I tend to think that about most of my own photos. I'll just have to rely on my wife's affirmation that they are. Psst, thank you, Love!
Read more