Too Many Questions

I know that I haven't posted very recently. And it's eating at me. Because I do feel a certain amount of responsibility to you all. To try & force myself to share more of what I'm going through, and therefore help myself along the path of healing & understanding.

At the same time, I started this for me, and right now, I'm feeling very vulnerable. In the past few weeks, there have been highs & lows. But mostly lows.

And of late, I've been feeling even more lost that usual, and even thinking that a good cry might just help. Help me release some of the build-up. Some of the trapped emotion that I don't let go of very easily.

I don't know.

I might just sleep it off too. It's hard to say.

The primary source for this high-level of emotion, uncertainty & depression? Well, K has been out of town since Tuesday. She returns late Wednesday, so the wait is almost over.

But until then, I have too many thoughts.
Too many worries.
Too many questions.

Because it was when she was absent the last time that I performed an act that is still hard for me to discuss, much less admit or embrace.

So the moral of the storypost, is that I'm sorry for having been absent. It's not by intention, but more of a gut reaction to pull away, and avoid things that inflict emotional pain.

Even if it's from a self-manifestation.

Which makes it hurt that much more.

Nice Catch-22 that I've placed myself in.