Emotional...
Three posts in one day. No, I'm not trying to set a record. Just trying to start poring out some of my emotion because I'm not sure how much longer I can keep it bottled up.
So, I've been feeling weepy lately... over the last few days. I can blame part of it on the eloquent prose from Jefferson at "One Life, Take Two". Another part of it is the relief at finally having my wife back in town, after her hasty departure two Mondays ago to deal with the loss of her Uncle in New Jersey (45 minutes from Manhattan). Another, and probably bigger part is realizing that life is fleeting, and that deep down, I'm not happy.
Ask my wife, and she'll tell you that I haven't been happy for a while. Sure, I have my moments, that I couldn't be happier than in that moment. Then life rushes in, and I'm back to just maintaining. I could start going into all of my issues, but I'd need a week to write this. Much of it is the job loss over the last year and a half. Much of it is feeling like I'm hiding. Much of it, is just not being happy to be me.
So, here I go again. Feeling like a good cry is just a breath away, but I can't take the time now. Not to mention that I prefer to cry alone. More of the male derived thoughts of society. And my intention to not appear "weak".
So, I've been feeling weepy lately... over the last few days. I can blame part of it on the eloquent prose from Jefferson at "One Life, Take Two". Another part of it is the relief at finally having my wife back in town, after her hasty departure two Mondays ago to deal with the loss of her Uncle in New Jersey (45 minutes from Manhattan). Another, and probably bigger part is realizing that life is fleeting, and that deep down, I'm not happy.
Ask my wife, and she'll tell you that I haven't been happy for a while. Sure, I have my moments, that I couldn't be happier than in that moment. Then life rushes in, and I'm back to just maintaining. I could start going into all of my issues, but I'd need a week to write this. Much of it is the job loss over the last year and a half. Much of it is feeling like I'm hiding. Much of it, is just not being happy to be me.
So, here I go again. Feeling like a good cry is just a breath away, but I can't take the time now. Not to mention that I prefer to cry alone. More of the male derived thoughts of society. And my intention to not appear "weak".
Comments
I hope the tears are at least cathartic, and clear the way for happiness to emerge.
I couldn't agree more with Jefferson. Also, know that you aren't alone in feeling the way you do. We've all been there. Sometimes you have to let the feelings you're fighting (or you don't think you have time for) in a little and see where it takes you. It sounds like you have a supportive wife and now, hopefully, you've got another support system of people who understand. At the very least... know this... you're defintitely not alone.
~m