Broken Heart
Yep. My heart broke last night. I was helpless.
My wife & son are currently back in New Jersey because K's grandmother fell last week and cracked her hip. Now, understand that it's not broken. Just cracked. And since she's almost 80, there isn't much to be done other than prescribing pain killers & plenty of bed rest. Or rest in general.
And since my wife is newly without a full or part-time job (good thing), she is the most mobile person of the family to go help. So on Thursday, we made arrangements for her to fly out with the on Saturday with the LD in tow. I helped plan the packing, and help her get stuff together to head out.
Well, things have been good, because her uncle has also been there helping Grandma. However, being a Bostonian, the commute over the last month since the death of the other uncle has been taking it's toll. He's exhausted (who wouldn't be), and hence why the phone call to K asking for help.
Well, yesterday coincided with a day that she was without any uncle support since he had to deal with stuff in Boston. And of course, in the evening, when she went to retrieve something from the LD's room in which he was sleeping, he woke up. And woke up with a vengeance. (Need I remind you that he's two, and has both mine & K's penchant for stubborness? Irony exists in my world with plentiful abundance.) I'm sure he's still spun out from jet lag, etc. But apparently, he started screaming bloody murder, even when told it was time for bed, and kept at it for nearly 40 minutes.
Well, 20 minutes into this, K calls me. Now, understand that if I had my choice, I would be there by her side. Supporting her in any way possible. But that can't happen due to my responsibility for being the primary wage-earner. Yeah, life can suck, but I understand. Amazingly, I didn't view this trip as a difficulty. Just something to be handled. And I know that the best thing I can do is keep her from worrying about bills, money, etc.
Anyhow, while we're on the phone, and I can hear LD screaming in the background, she starts crying. She basically breaks down. And I'm lost. There's nothing I can do. Nothing to be said really. And this is hard. Being a man, and sometimes the pillar of support for my mate, I like to put on my fix-it hat, and make things better. Except, that can't be done 2500 miles away. Let's be honest, there aren't many times that the fix-it hat works, but sometimes it does. Sometimes, it's just a hug.
I offer suggestions, and it felt like it was falling on deaf ears. I know they weren't deaf. They just needed time to go outside, or be away from the situation while I was there to comfort her & the screaming kid. Again, nothing I could do.
So, we hang up so that she can try to retrieve her sanity. Or console the kid. Sanity comes later. Anyhow, almost 2 hours after he started, she got him to sleep, and then she slept.
Meanwhile, I was at home, staring at a TV that I had little interest in. Staring at my laptop that was providing little comfort to distract me. Feeling angry. Feeling helpless. Bleeding inside.
Eventually, I fell asleep too. I had work to think about today, and I knew that if I was in bed, sleep would ultimately whisk me away. Away from the current torment.
I slept well... for the 5 hours I got. And, I feel fine now. Good for most of the day because K IM'd me very early today, telling me of her success for sleep & such. I felt relief, and sadness as well.
I want to be there with her.
I want to hold her.
I want to tell her that it's going to be okay.
Sunday can't arrive fast enough.
My wife & son are currently back in New Jersey because K's grandmother fell last week and cracked her hip. Now, understand that it's not broken. Just cracked. And since she's almost 80, there isn't much to be done other than prescribing pain killers & plenty of bed rest. Or rest in general.
And since my wife is newly without a full or part-time job (good thing), she is the most mobile person of the family to go help. So on Thursday, we made arrangements for her to fly out with the on Saturday with the LD in tow. I helped plan the packing, and help her get stuff together to head out.
Well, things have been good, because her uncle has also been there helping Grandma. However, being a Bostonian, the commute over the last month since the death of the other uncle has been taking it's toll. He's exhausted (who wouldn't be), and hence why the phone call to K asking for help.
Well, yesterday coincided with a day that she was without any uncle support since he had to deal with stuff in Boston. And of course, in the evening, when she went to retrieve something from the LD's room in which he was sleeping, he woke up. And woke up with a vengeance. (Need I remind you that he's two, and has both mine & K's penchant for stubborness? Irony exists in my world with plentiful abundance.) I'm sure he's still spun out from jet lag, etc. But apparently, he started screaming bloody murder, even when told it was time for bed, and kept at it for nearly 40 minutes.
Well, 20 minutes into this, K calls me. Now, understand that if I had my choice, I would be there by her side. Supporting her in any way possible. But that can't happen due to my responsibility for being the primary wage-earner. Yeah, life can suck, but I understand. Amazingly, I didn't view this trip as a difficulty. Just something to be handled. And I know that the best thing I can do is keep her from worrying about bills, money, etc.
Anyhow, while we're on the phone, and I can hear LD screaming in the background, she starts crying. She basically breaks down. And I'm lost. There's nothing I can do. Nothing to be said really. And this is hard. Being a man, and sometimes the pillar of support for my mate, I like to put on my fix-it hat, and make things better. Except, that can't be done 2500 miles away. Let's be honest, there aren't many times that the fix-it hat works, but sometimes it does. Sometimes, it's just a hug.
I offer suggestions, and it felt like it was falling on deaf ears. I know they weren't deaf. They just needed time to go outside, or be away from the situation while I was there to comfort her & the screaming kid. Again, nothing I could do.
So, we hang up so that she can try to retrieve her sanity. Or console the kid. Sanity comes later. Anyhow, almost 2 hours after he started, she got him to sleep, and then she slept.
Meanwhile, I was at home, staring at a TV that I had little interest in. Staring at my laptop that was providing little comfort to distract me. Feeling angry. Feeling helpless. Bleeding inside.
Eventually, I fell asleep too. I had work to think about today, and I knew that if I was in bed, sleep would ultimately whisk me away. Away from the current torment.
I slept well... for the 5 hours I got. And, I feel fine now. Good for most of the day because K IM'd me very early today, telling me of her success for sleep & such. I felt relief, and sadness as well.
I want to be there with her.
I want to hold her.
I want to tell her that it's going to be okay.
Sunday can't arrive fast enough.
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